This Year I Will...

I started reading a book called "This Year I Will... How to Finally Change a habit keep a Resolution, or make a dream come true..." A friend suggested it to me. Yes, it has all the same self-talk that you hear all about in every other self help book... So I'm not sure yet if the book is actually useful or if I'm actually now in a position to take the advice that i already know "so well" (sarcasm... because if i already knew the advice so well... i wouldn't be struggling with my weight and/or anxiety problems constantly.)

Anyway... I made a list so far of thoughts going through my head as I read the first few chapters.

When did I stop feeling pretty?

- Last summer. I was overweight, missing teeth, had no where to go (no job, few friends in the area, no car) no clothes that fit me and i became depressed.

What stops me from working towards my goals?

- My boyfriend's (good intention) lies. I'm beautiful. I'm sexy. I'm not fat. I dont have stretchmarks.... etc...

- My habit of being tired and overwhelmed all too easily.

- My habit of making excuses

- my habit of procrastination.

What do I desire? What do I love?

- I love feeling fit and self sufficent

- I love being happy and full of energy.

- I love feeling pretty. Just putting on an outfit and some make up and knowing and feeling that "Damn.. i look good!"

- I love me, my health and my well being.

- I love my boyfriend... and i miss my sex drive. We'd have less frustration a lot of the time if i'd just feel comfortable being naked and being intimate.

- I love jean skirts and fitted shirts... with flip flops and good summer music.


That list may seem out of order... But regardless of order.. I'm feeling really good. I'm optimistic. I'm sore from my new workout routine and i'm excited to go home after work to do day two of it.

I'm only 22... I still have lots of time to live my life to the fullest! i want to roam around on a beach in my bikini... I want to walk around naked in own house if that's what i so choose to do! I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.... and being overweight is a huge reason as to why i don't yet. I want to go swimming and not wear shirts and shorts over my bathing suit. I want to be me again.