today not so good...

The title says it all. I ate McDonalds. I ate pizza. I ate chips.

yuck. And i'm so stiff from working out yesterday. I'm tired because I had sorority stuff all morning. and I still have about 4 chapters of reading to do before I can go to sleep.

I'm thinking a nap is in order. But yes, life happens. And today is an example of exactly that. I just need to make sure that I get back into the game tomorrow, if not tonight.

Read from bottom to top i guess?

These are my legs... I used to have nice, thick, athletic legs... now they look like cottage cheese slabs. I have the problem now that the insides of my jeans (inner thigh) rip. And i don't mean like older jeans whom have seen better days... I mean like fairly new jeans. Not to mention the muffin top.
Here they are... they keep getting worse... and now they are itchy frequently. :(
This was an attempt to show stomach bulge and stretch marks.
I used to have a very cute butt. I'd get compliments on it constantly since middle school. My boyfriend tells me that i'm beautiful, sexy, etc... but I think that's just how he shows that he loves me. Because i do not think that this is sexy or beautiful. In fact, bless his soul, when he saw me make this blog he was a little mad at me. He said it was self-depreciating. I don't agree. I mean, yes.... i'm not really accepting my "natural beauty" or saying "good" things about the way I look. But this isn't my natural beauty. My 5'3'' build is not supposed to hold 163 lbs on it. This is my way of trying to motivate myself to start seeing/making some changes. I love me. I think i'm a great person with a lot of potential... but fat has this way of manipulating your mind. It makes you depressed and feel like you have no control... it makes you feel ugly and slow. I used to be a two sport varsity althlete! I'm not slow or ugly. I want to feel that way again. I want to shed the fat and not get winded when i walk up the stairs with a basket of laundry. That's not self-depreciating... that's practical and proactive.
Here you can see the worst part of my body. The hips. The stretch marks are disgusting on their own... But that flap of fat is so hard to deal with on a day to day basis. I'm a side sleeper, but even that has become more difficult in terms of comfort. I now try to sleep with a body pillow next to me and between my legs...
I keep telling myself that I want to keep the Belly Ring until I lose the weight. I've been saying that for four years now --- I look at pictures from four years ago... And i was skinny. Don't know what i was thinking!



This is awkward.. I have to learn to write first and then add pictures from the last to the first... Anyway, here is what I need to say:

Last week was a productive week in terms of being physically active and even eating better (but still not the best)

I went to the gym three times. I can jog for a half mile without feeling like i'm going to die. Unfortunately i still need to be able to run three more miles.. but hopefully i'll get there.

Today it's gross out and I really don't want to walk to campus so I think i'll stay home and do a work out dvd and the "warm up" that one of my friends showed me the other day. It's her father's tae kown doe (sp??) warm up. It's fucking HARD!

Unfortunately the stress of school also really got to me. I haven't been sleeping well... So especially yesterday I opted to go home and nap instead of going to the gym. And another day (Wednesday?) i was so upset and frustrated about a professor that I had to be consoled by a friend instead of going to work out.

I know that's lame. But life happens. And dispite life... i still made it to the gym three times. Doctors say that you should get at least 20 minutes of physical activity three times a week. So i'm beating that by 120 minutes!

The weather also has an affect on me. Like i said, i don't want to walk to campus in the cold windy mess that is today... But i'm also trying an alternative by working out at home. i just have to make sure i do it.

Clearly it's much easier to sit in bed all day wishing that i wasn't fat, wishing that the pounds would just melt away and that i could wear a dress without having to put baby power between my legs to avoid "chub rub." But this blog is to help motivate myself to make a change. A change for the better. A change in attitude. A change in appearance. If i want others to take me seriously... I have to take myself seriously. Sweat pants and hoodies are wonderful and comfortable.... but i'm about to enter the world of professionals... and gauchos can only get me so far!!!

Until tomorrow,
MW

Week One 3.15

Here are some of my first photos. I will be taking photos every week in the same bathing suit. I hope to see the progress over time (knowing that it won't happen immediately.)

This particular week I went to the gym and went on a bike ride. But then stopped. Lame. I know.

I forgot about this blog.. thus, i forgot what my password was for it!

Original Post from OCTOBER!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Cure: Cocoa Butter

I'm sitting here on a sunday morning debating whether i should:
a. shower
b. go for a "run"
c. study for my midterm on tuesday

Today, and the last few days, I've been at a steady 158. The clothes that i bought this summer barely fit... and after sitting on a plastic tub... i fell straight through... scratching up my entire back and legs.

I did, however, just eat a banana for breakfast - in hopes of countering the entire medium pizza I ate last night!

however, I tried something new this week. I bought Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula for the stretch marks on my sides.... and .... THEY ARE MOSTLY FADED ALREADY! I just noticed this morning!

It was an exciting morning.

I need to come up with a plan and stick to it. It's soooo hard. But every time I walk around campus i find myself being very envious of a guy who used to weight 230 -easy... but after studying abroad looks like he weight less than I do now. I mean.. amazing for him! He looks great... But how the hell did he do it?

Well.. he broke his bad habits, i'm assuming. he exercises, eats right, drinks lots of water... All of those things that people should do when they're trying to lose weight.

I want to lose weight because:

I want to feel better about myself
and i'm too poor to buy new clothes.